You can contact the author of this letter (Rev. Bob Winn) at the following email address: Mid.Nebraska.AGA@gmail.com

Note:  This letter was written by Rev. Bob Winn, AGA Professional Consultant.  Bob has been in full-time ministry since 1981.  He has served churches in New York and Nebraska for 35 years, and he has worked in church development in a multi-lingual ministry (German, French and English) in the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg.  Bob is a certified biblical counselor.  He and his wife Priscilla have been alienated from two of their four children and seven of their eight grandchildren for over seven years.  In their own search for information and assistance, they have spoken with numerous clergy members and para-church leaders.  Sadly, they have found widespread ignorance, noticed cautious indifference and experienced antagonistic skepticism about Grandparent Alienation. 

Feel free to copy the following letter and use it to introduce "Grandparent Alienation" to the religious leaders in your local place of worship.  If you have questions for Bob or Priscilla, you may contact them by email at Mid.Nebraska.AGA@gmail.com or by phone at 308-870-0005.

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Dear Ministry Professional:

There is a silent killer lurking within the lives of a significant segment of people to whom you minister.  The impact of this killer is widespread and is growing exponentially.  You may be aware of its existence, but you may have never identified it, observed its methodology or understood its motivation. 

"Grandparent Alienation" (GA) is a fairly recent designation for this attack upon people you know and love.  As an attack on the family and on the family of God, it has crossed cultural, socio-economic, and religious boundaries with abandon.  

"Grandparent Alienation" refers to two different acts of alienation.  First, adult children choose to erect boundaries, which limit or eliminate their relationship with their parents.  The cruelty of this unforeseen alienation is devastating to parents, who have given life to, nurtured, loved and protected their children since they were born.  Second, those same adult children commonly choose to extend those boundaries to include the alienation of their parents from their own children, leaving loving grandparents, who patiently waited for years to enjoy their grandchildren, in a disoriented state of bewilderment and heartbreak.  By their choices, these adult children have unknowingly shattered their own lives, the lives of their parents, and the young lives of their children.  This is why the leading international experts in the field of alienation are now identifying "Grandparent Alienation" as a severe form of both elder abuse and child abuse. 

Without intending to do so and without realizing the long-range consequences of their decisions, perhaps millions of adult children are also quickly and effectively dismantling their entire extended family, which took generations to build.  Furthermore, these young adults are establishing a very poor foundation for the future of their own families by modeling for their children that conflict resolution is best achieved by casting unwanted people from their lives.    To justify this action, they are, out of necessity, forced to alter the truth about their parents and rewrite the history of their growing up years.

From a theological perspective, the origin of "Grandparent Alienation" lies within the sinful heart of man and has been with us since the beginning.  From a contemporary perspective, its meteoric rise in recent decades can be attributed to many of the same factors which have more recently driven lawlessness and hatred onto streets across our nation and around the world.   But, sadly, it may also exist unnoticed in the pews of your fellowship.  Built into the fabric of this phenomenon is an insidious self-protective mechanism, which protects the anonymity of its perpetrators and demands silence from its victims.  The most vulnerable victims are the grandchildren, because they have no voice.    Not only are they kept from the knowledge of the truth, but they are unknowingly used by their parents to play a punitive role in the lives of their grandparents.  Even normally perceptive ministry professionals don't often realize all of the many complexities of a particular alienation story.  

Observing "Grandparent Alienation" is far more difficult than defining it.  You may have observed it without knowing that you have done so.  You might have momentarily wondered why the Smiths, a couple in their sixties who attend your Bible study, never show anyone pictures of their grandchildren.  The Johnsons, whenever asked about their grown children (who were well known in your community for academic and athletic achievements in high school but have not been seen for years in church), explain their absence by remarking about how "Young people these days are just too busy for old Mom and Dad."  You might have seen Alice Roberts' eyes watering just a bit as she received the rose that your church provided for each smiling mother on Mother's Day.  What you may not have seen, and were probably not told, is that the Fullers received a letter from their son four years ago on his wedding anniversary.  He announced that he was breaking off all contact with them, and that any cards or gifts sent to him, to his wife or to his children would either be returned or discarded unopened.  He also declared that any attempts to communicate with them would be ignored.  What you may not have realized was that Bill and Mary Ferguson's daughter was married last summer.  Although all of her siblings and their children were in attendance at her wedding, her parents were not informed about the wedding until two days after it was over.  Sadly, you may not have noticed any of these things.  Although these grandparents in your congregation desperately need to share their burden with you, they are often too ashamed to do so.  Fearing that they may be met with a lack of understanding or with biblically uninformed judgment, they choose to suffer in silence.

  Careful observers will understand the severity of that suffering.  Alienated grandparents grieve every time they see their fellow "golden agers" enjoying a burger or an ice cream cone with their grandchildren at a local fast food restaurant.  These "senior saints" may prefer to avoid church activities they once enjoyed, especially those at which families with multiple generations will be in attendance.  For the alienated grandparent, the simple joys of life have been replaced with depression and, at times, suicidal thoughts.  The pain of alienation runs that deep.

Nearly every alienated grandparent who has dared to bare his or her soul to someone else has been faced with a series of common questions: "Why are your children doing this?"  "What do your children say the issues are?"  Some grandparents have endured questions asking them to identify the things they must have done to provoke their children to erect such seemingly impenetrable boundaries.   Sadly, many people of faith, including some clergy members, start with the assumption that these young adults must have good reasons to take such drastic and hurtful measures against their aging parents.  Alienated grandparents are all too familiar with the reactions of their friends and extended family members: the body language, the skeptical questions, and the subtle but perceptible change in relationships.   All of these reactions broadcast, in less than subtle ways, that judgment has been passed against them, and that a quest for the truth is not forthcoming. 

Therefore, a once proud mother, who has unconditionally loved and sacrificed for her children from the time of their birth, silently endures the angry defiance of her son.  A loving father, who would still willingly give his life for the "apple of his eye," repeatedly faces the sting of humiliation from the cruelty of his daughter's words.  Alienated grandparents constantly live with the memory of those terrible words and actions, which are replayed over and over again in their thoughts. 

These beleaguered grandparents are faced with the realization that the love and concern that their children once had for them have been completely withdrawn.  These same adult children have intentionally removed the joy of grandchildren from their lives as well.  They receive no phone calls which inquire about their welfare or which express interest in their lives.   Special days in their lives (birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day and Father's Day) are ignored, and the invitations they send to their adult children proposing family gatherings and holiday celebrations (Easter, the Fourth of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas) are met with silence.  They are neither informed of nor invited to the special events in the lives of their children and grandchildren.  With one fell swoop, these adult children have destroyed the family life that their parents have painstakingly crafted for decades.  Met with an impenetrable silence, these parents are usually offered no reasons for this alienation and are given no opportunity for dialogue.  Reconciliation is impossible without communication.     Even though these seniors need physical and emotional support in their elderly years, they are instead met with the immeasurable suffering of dishonor, neglect and loneliness by those who, according to God's design, should be offering them loving support.  This destruction of an elderly couple's future at the hands of their adult children seems incomprehensible. 

Therein lies the plea of this letter.  Many alienated grandparents have turned to clergy for help.  But, for a variety of reasons, many ministry professionals have chosen not to become involved in any way.  Some, while seeking help, have even had the validity of their relationship with God called into question by members of the clergy.  Those who study the truth of God in the pages of the Scriptures must provide care for these hurting souls.  These alienated grandparents are reluctant and afraid, and they do not know where to turn for help.  But way too often, spiritual leaders have also been reluctant and afraid, choosing not to reach out to these hurting believers and their family members.  Those who are tasked with speaking boldly on behalf of God must not allow their fears, whatever they may be, to silence Paul's challenge in 2 Timothy 4:2 to "... be ready, in season and out of season, to reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with great patience and instruction.'" The need is great for men and women of faith to speak on God's behalf to those (grandparents, adult children and grandchildren alike) who need to hear His voice.

"Alienated Grandparents Anonymous (AGA)"  is prepared to assist your ministry in several ways:

* to help you identify the tell-tale signs of either partial or total "Grandparent Alienation" in your congregation; 

 * to help you observe the patterns which adult children often follow to denounce their parents;

*to explain how those adult children seek to win the approval of their siblings and extended family members and how they attempt to turn their hearts against their parents as well; 

* to help you understand a biblical explanation for the widespread acceptance of this destructive delusion; and 

* to provide you with tools which will enable you to offer the comfort of God's sufficiency and the hope of His promises to those who find themselves in the midst of what seems to be a never ending and horrific storm - a storm generated by their deeply loved but prodigal adult children. 

You can contact AGA at the following email address:  info@AGA-FL.org

"AGA" can direct you to ministry professionals who themselves are weathering the storm of alienation.  They want to share with you the comfort they have experienced - a comfort promised by King David in Psalm 34:18-19  (NASB):

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all."

...Rev. Robert Winn